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Week 14

Wow. Just two weeks and I'm already slacking. Sheesh. It doesn't help that I'm dealing with a lot of depression and anxiety now that I am unemployed, but it'll get better. It has to. Now, let's see what I missed...

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What food am I dying to eat today, and what do I want to avoid?


I don't really have a craving or aversion to anything right now. I'm still wanting sweet, but not nearly as bad as I was. The only thing I do know is I want meat. Not necessarily red meat, but something from an animal. There was a possibility of waffles or pancakes for dinner and it just made my stomach churn to think that I wouldn't get some real food.

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Enough about babies, how's Athena doing?

That's an interesting one. She flashes between super sweet and possessed demonic spawn from hell. She has become super clingy to me and it's driving me insane. I can't go 5 min without her by my side, that includes bedtime. She just spent the last 45 minutes screaming her head off because I didn't lay down with her until she fell asleep. Some people may think that's bad parenting, but I am at the point that the cry-it-out method is all there is. She talks back. She throws temper tantrums. She is rude and loud and everything I was when I was 2. I seriously don't know how my parents did it. Athena may not be around to see her sibling... That's a joke. Don't go calling CPS on me now.

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Old Wives tales and what they say about me.

Old Wives Tale #4:  Heart Rate

If the baby’s heart rate is above 140 bpm, it is said that the baby will be a girl.  If it is under 140 bpm, then it will be a boy.

Me: Well, if this is true, then I'm having a girl. The baby's heart rate last week was 164. I checked today and it was 158, but it was probably at rest. I guess we'll find out in October.

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Random article that I find interesting.

http://us4.campaign-archive1.com/?u=396e71d6efdff2c19908ffa1a&id=aca3e00b8c

As you all know, I was seriously contemplating a home birth with Athena. We didn't go through with it because we weren't happy with the midwives we found and the price was too high. This time around, I've found an amazing midwife and she's working with me financially. I really want to have this experience at home, it's the right place for me to give birth, I just know it is. It's natural. I know it's not for everyone, but shouldn't we all be allowed to have this right? If ACOG gets it's way, I will have to have permission from a doctor to do this. I am healthy. My baby is healthy. But I am 130lbs over what my BMI says I should be. I don't have diabetes. I have a proven uterus and pelvis. I can DO this. Without medication. And without the need of a doctor's approval. But there's very few doctors out there that would allow me the birth that my body can perform because of what my BMI says. Even when I was my skinniest, at 10% body fat, I was still 15lbs over my BMI. If you could, please help me keep the right to have my birth at home with a permission slip. I'll get off my soap box now...

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I did WHAT last weekend?

Last weekend was a pretty relaxed weekend. On Friday, Athena and I went to her very first movie with her Auntie Jess. We went and saw Despicable Me 2. It was very cute, and she was glued to the screen. I was so impressed. She sat in her chair for an hour and then crawled in my lap for the rest. Such a big girl. On Saturday I had a migraine and felt horrible. James took Athena to see her Auntie Claire. They had a good time.

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What did I accomplish this week and what am I looking forward to next.

I don't feel like I accomplished much this week. It's been a very rough emotional ride for me and I haven't been able to motivate myself to do much. I'm hoping this coming week will be different. My house is a pigsty. Athena and I will be going to visit my Grandpa for his 84th birthday on Friday, which will be great. I haven't seen him in too long.

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AND FINALLY
Picture and OH GOD MY BODY IS DOING WHAT?

Depending on which website you read, Squirrel is now the size of a nectarine, or a lemon, or a FIST! Brings a new meaning to Fist Bump, doesn't it? I've felt a few flutters, but nothing big yet. His/Her body is finally growing faster than his/her head. This is good, because those proportions were WAY OFF. Squirrel's also learning how to dance. Well, not dance, but it's movements are now more fluid. Think water ballet. She/he is also starting to pee. Gross right? Guess what's worse, Squirrel drinks the amniotic fluid, which is what she/he pees into. SO! Squirrel is drinking it's own piss. Lovely.

As for my body, they say I'm supposed to start getting energy back. I'm not seeing that happening any time soon. But then, I have a 2 year old who won't sleep. I can't wait until February when I can not be sleeping with TWO monsters at my side. And a baby. Love you, James. :D

14 Weeks
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Week 13

I totally missed the last few days of blogging. But they can be summarized in two words. Not much. I baked a pie this weekend. 6 cups of blackberries all from our yard. And I really didn't accomplish much last week. I was really depressed and stressed and didn't feel very well, so not much got done.

Now, on to this week. Baby Squirrel is now the size of a peach. She/he has fingerprints. His/her veins and organs are still visible through his/her skin. Squirrel now has ankles and wrists. The rest of the body is catching up to the head and things are starting to look more proportionate. The intestines should all now be in place and no longer in the umbilical cord.

As for me... well I am still exhausted. This could be more to do with Athena not falling asleep in her own bed and refusing to even think about it until about 11. It'll help when we get our new cal-king bed. Other than that, I'm short tempered because I'm weaning myself off my medication that is not good to be taking during the third trimester. I still keep forgetting I'm pregnant and trying to lift things I shouldn't be, like my 30 lb daughter. *shrugs* There are just some things that are impossible to not do. I have an appt with my midwife tomorrow, so that should be awesome, and we're getting together with my sister in-law on Saturday. It's hard to believe she's leaving for college next weekend.

Anyway, have a good night!

13 Weeks

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Week 12, Day 5

http://www.mamablogga.com/the-invisible-woman/









I found this the other day, and I just fell in love. I'll give you a moment to read it and let it sink in.
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Done? Good. There are so many days when I feel like I am just a tool. I fill water glasses, I empty potty chairs, I make chicken, I rock and sing. I feel as if I am invisible. There are still a few moments when I am the world to my family, and that makes it all worth while. It's all worth the pain and struggle and strife knowing that I am raising a happy and healthy child. That her home is a safe one. That she will know that she can always come to me, no matter what. That she'll want her friends to come over, just because our house is awesome, even though we can be super strict sometimes. That her friends will call me Mom. I can handle being invisible, if it makes my family's life better.

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Week 12, Day 4

So, I found this really awesome list of 51 Old Wives Tales. I only have about 38 weeks left until squirrel arrives, so I'm going to do them in chunks or so. I may revisit some of them because I'm not experiencing the symptoms as of yet.


http://www.hisboyscanswim.com/658/list-of-51-pregnancy-old-wives-tales-your-babys-sex-revealed

Old Wives Tale #1:  Heartburn

If a pregnant woman experiences heartburn throughout the 9 months of pregnancy, she’ll have a baby born with a full head of hair.

Me: No heartburn as of yet. Though I feel like it can happen at any time if I make the mistake of laying on my back. With Athena, I was having SEVERE heartburn in the third trimester all the way until delivery. Sure as heck, she had a very full head of red/brown hair. We'll see what happens with Squirrel.

Old Wives Tale #2: Umbilical Cord

If a pregnant woman lifts her hands above her head or does stretches above her hand, she will choke the baby because the umbilical cord will be wrapped around the baby.    The truth of this pregnancy wives tale is that the umbilical cord can wrap around the baby if the baby moves a lot while in the uterus, but it does not happen if you move a lot or stretch above your head.  The baby gets tangled in the umbilical cord in about 1/3 of all births, so it’s not so uncommon.

Me: As you can see, they debunked this one. I'm SOOOO not worried about putting my hands above my head. Even if the cord gets wrapped, it can be fixed. No worries.

Old Wives Tale #3:  Cravings Curse

This old wives tale is fun to hang over Tarzan’s head.  Basically if anyone denies a pregnant woman whatever she is craving, they will get a sty in his/her eye.  Personally, I think all men should read this and always give into whatever us pregnant women want!  For their own benefit, of course.

Me: I wish this was true. That way I could scare James and Roger into giving me what ever food I want. MWAHAHAHAHA!!!

Have a great Saturday everyone!!!

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Week 12, Day 3

Due to food poisoning and a general not feeling well, I missed yesterday's post. So here it is. Yesterday I was craving beef like crazy. Unfortunately, we went out to Buffalo Wild Wings for dinner. That's a chicken place. Sure they've got burgers, but I wanted STEAK. So, I was super thrilled when I saw that they had a steak wrap. It did have pico on it, but I requested that be removed. Onion allergies are the worst. I do believe that they put the pico on and then realized their mistake, because I swear I bit into an onion. And sure enough, I had my normal, cleansing reaction. BLARGHLE. So much for wanted beef. It went in and right back out. At least it was tasty going down. :P

And today's journal is about Moose. Because let's face it, she's still the center of my universe at this time. She's regressed a little bit on potty training. So much so that Roger (my roommate) and I could have murdered her last night. Athena, darling, you know I love you, but poop is not an art medium, your door is not a canvas, and your hands and feet are not paint brushes. It was bad. Very bad. She's lucky she's so cute. Now that I've done my motherly duty and embarrassed the hell out of my child, I'm going to go take her to the park and have some fun. Have a great day, all!
Clean up after the poop masterpiece
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Week 12, Day 1

12 weeks. This is the last week of my first trimester. Does that mean I get to have my energy and desire toe at back? Because that would be awesome! I'm still exhausted as all get out, and food just isn't appealing to me, which sucks because I love food. I'm pretty sure I'm exhausted because Squirrel has decided to break dance in my womb. Well, maybe not break dance, but according to babycenter.com Squirrel can suck her thumb, do the wave, and practice clogging. He/she is also starting to look more human. Eyes are forward, ears in the right place, and her/his body is starting to become a bit more proportionate. As for my body, theoretically, I should be showing. And to me and James, I am, a little. But to the rest of the world, well I'm just another plus size woman. My uterus is now front and center, instead of tucked safely inside the pelvis. Isn't that a visual for you. :-D I don't have any particular cravings other than not to eat. I really need to work on that. My feet have been swelling, or wanting to swell, but thanks to the advice from my midwife to take extra vitamin C, they've been staying close to normal size and the pressure isn't nearly as bad as it was last time. My hair seems to have taken on a beautiful, glossy finish, and it's growing like crazy, as are my nails. I think that's about it. For the most part I'm feeling fine. Just exhausted. I wish I could sleep, but I don't foresee that happening for another... oh, 20 years?
Mommy Week 12
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Week 11, Day 7

So, I'm going to do a Blog a day sort of deal, or at least try. Since my weeks turn over on Weds, that's when all of this will start.

Weds: Picture and OH GOD MY BODY IS DOING WHAT?
Thurs: What food am I dying to eat today, and what do I want to avoid?
Fri: Enough about babies, how's Athena doing?
Sat: Old Wives tales and what they say about me.
Sun: Random article that I find interesting.
Mon: I did WHAT last weekend?
Tues: What did I accomplish this week and what am I looking forward to next.

So yeah. You don't have to read these. You don't have to find them interesting. But I want to document what I can while I still have the energy to do so.

This last week I cleaned my kitchen. It took me all week. I did one surface at a time. But it was done. And it looked great. It's Tuesday now, and it's already starting to look like a pigsty. But it doesn't help that I'm EXHAUSTED. Sleep has not come easily this week. Or at all.

In week 12, I'm looking forward to my prenatal visit with my midwife on the 1st. Hopefully, I'll get to hear Squirrel's heartbeat again. I'm hoping to get the living room straightened up, but I'll be happy with just restoring the kitchen to how it was when I left it on Friday. Practical and sensible is my only sanity these days.

But, on the whimsical side, let me end this blog, because I am way too tired to actually include more today, with James and Athena dancing. Because... d'awwwww. :-D

DSCN5028
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Oh no! Not again!

I guess it's time to dust this thing off and start again. As the vast majority of you have heard, I'm pregnant! 11 weeks and 5 days. Oh, how time flies!

First, I suppose I should do a check in on Athena. She's now called Moose. It's her own fault really. James called her "little miss" when she was a little over a year old. And she corrected him with "Moose!" So, now she is Moose. And because we have our Moose, the new baby is being referred to as Squirrel. Anyhoo, she's doing amazing. She'll be three in about five months. She's chock full of energy. She talks up a storm and every week it becomes more and more clear what she's saying. She loves to sing and dance. She loves to color and play with our animals. She loves chocolate milk and cereal. She's pretty much potty trained at this point. I never thought I'd get so excited over poop! We haven't had a mess in a couple of weeks. She's super helpful, polite, and sweet. I'm sure I'm jinxing it, but we haven't had much in the way of "terrible twos". The only time she's terrible is when we let her stay up too late or if she gets hungry and doesn't let us know right away. I'd say I'm pretty lucky... this means Squirrel is going to be a MONSTER! :-P

I've had a pretty easy pregnancy again, so far. I had a lot of nausea for the first 8 weeks or so, just like last time. I'm tired ALL OF THE TIME and I can't sleep. But that was the same last time. According to most of the old wives tales I'm having another girl. I want another girl, so that's good. I mean, sure "I'll be happy with whatever I have" but I still want another girl. Makes things a little bit easier. Won't need more clothes, won't need new toys, and we won't need to buy another house any time soon. Practical, yes. But like I said, I will love Squirrel no matter what. (By the way, we'll be having a party sometime soon to do a gender reveal. We had a big shower last time and we still have most of our stuff. So, to include our friends, we're going to have a gender reveal party. :-D )

James and I are doing well. We've found a groove and we're happy (most of the time, I'd worry if we didn't have lows).

Unfortunately, I just lost my job. But this means I get to go on unemployment while looking for a new job and staying home with Moose. I'm absolutely loving it. I missed out on the first two and a half years of her life at home (or at least I missed out on the 8-10 hours I was at work) and now I get to spend all day with my beautiful girl. It's awesome. (Ask me how I'm feeling after a few months. My tune may change. :-P)

I can't think of much else to say, so I'm gonna leave it here. I'm going to try to blog as often as possible now that I'm home all the time, but who knows if that'll happen. Two year old + Pregnant mama = not much time

Moose and Boris... er... Daddy
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Croup

Croup. Just the word brings me to tears. I was so scared for you on Sunday night. You were so miserable. Couldn't breath. Couldn't eat. Couldn't sleep. One of the worst nights of my life so far.

Sunday afternoon was just normal. You were playing and laughing and having a grand ol' time. And then you went down for a two hour nap. You never go down for two hours, though you do tend to sleep longer when you're on me or Daddy, and you were sleeping on me. And then you woke up crying. At the end of that cry was one of the most painful sounds to my ear, and wheezing gasp for air. Five minutes later you were fine... until we put you to bed. You went down at 7:15ish just fine, and woke up at 9 unable to breathe unhindered. There was so much mucus. And none of it would come out with the suction-thingy (no, that's not a technical term, don't get smart with me, young lady.) We called the advice nurse, who proceeded to tell me that it was just a cold. That your 103.9 (a whole 2.1 degrees away from the "danger zone") was just the result of your body working against the virus. I still insisted on getting you an appointment for Monday morning and boy was I glad I did.

I may be a paranoid first time mother, but I knew that this was not just a cold. Perhaps it was the three times you gagged up a glob of mucus the size of a baseball (two of those onto my chest, the third onto the blanket my grandmother made me, thanks), but I just knew that something was off. We went in and the doctor (who wasn't your usual doctor, in fact, he's a teenager doctor that I used to see when we first moved to Suisun) said it was croup. He prescribed some antibiotics and he ordered some x-rays, just to be sure that there wasn't a "silent" pneumonia in there. That's right, 9 months old and you've had your first x-ray. I suppose that's better than other babies we know, but still, that sucked. You did NOT like being on your side for the side shot, and you really didn't like me putting you down.

In fact, you didn't want me to put you down, ever, until about, oh... 9am this morning. I didn't let you get your way, though, because I hadn't slept since Saturday night and I was exhausted. Your daddy, the wonderful man he is, took a 4 hour nap Monday when we got home from the 2 hour trip to the doctor, and he took you from me, screaming, I might add, and watched you through the night. When my alarm went off at 6 to check on the two of you, and low-and-behold, there's you in your crib, snoring to your heart's content, and your father, sleeping on the floor. He was so concerned about you, that he didn't want to leave the room. He didn't trust our monitor to pick up the sound of your breath (though when I forced him to bed and turned it on, it did) and he wanted to be there the instant you had trouble.

Today your are a different baby. The antibiotics are doing their job. You are smiling and trying to laugh (this thing has wreaked havoc on your voice) and crawling around trying to get into everything. You're still not the model of perfect health, but I no longer fear going to sleep, and I do believe I will actually go to work tomorrow (joy).

Unfortunately, your time is a little bit off. That means our trip to Disneyland with your Grandma and Grandpa Haikin this week is getting postponed. We'll now be going the weekend of Daddy's and my 5 year anniversary. Originally, you were going to be staying with your grandparents and Daddy and I were going to Yosemite, but I think this will work out better. I was a little panicky about leaving you for three days and two nights. Spending the night alone with Grandma and Grandpa is one thing, but I get to see you the next morning. I'm not quite ready for a weekend away yet. Paranoid, first-time mom, remember?

I've been trying to take daily pictures of you, but you've been so sick and I just don't want to document the bad times. I'll getcha tomorrow.

Just remember, I love you. You've put me through hell these past few days, and you'll do it again, I'm sure, but I will always love you. Come what may.

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But I don't wanna!

For sanity reasons, I've stayed home from work this week. Couldn't really afford to do so financially, but for the sake of my mental health, I needed to. It has been amazing to wake up every morning to your beautiful face. To be there for all the day's ups and downs. Not to mention that I feel like I've made a dent in the housework that has been piling up.  I wish, I wish, I wish it didn't have to end. I am so jealous of my friends who get to be stay at home moms. I know that babies can drive a person insane if that's all they ever get day in and day out, but I want to be that kind of crazy. To be there when you take your first steps, even if their during the working hours, I would kill to have that guaranteed me. The job market is so sparse out there. Daddy can't seem to find a job anywhere. It's just not fair. A lot of moms don't have a choice in being a stay at home. I don't have a choice in being a working mom. It's so hard for me to think about the fact that I don't get to see your amazing smile tomorrow until 5pm. It's just not fair.

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Meet the Haikins

Valerie married James Haikin on October 21, 2006. They have 2 dogs (Marty and Biff), a toddler (Athena aka AJ aka Moose), and now they are expecting another bundle of joy in February, 2014.

Athena Jade Haikin was born on December 19, 2010 at 5:34am. She was 8lbs and 1oz and 21.5in long.

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